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Jesus, hating family, and a choice?



Rather than being in the pulpit yesterday, I was with my family at the beach. The girls had a fantastic time playing with their cousins. And, to make a confession, I was glad to see that I wouldn’t be preaching on one of Jesus’ most difficult teachings. But I couldn’t escape thinking about this text, and I think I finally discovered something beautiful in it. 

Luke 14:25-33 NRSVue

 "Now large crowds were traveling with him, and he turned and said to them, “Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not carry the cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. For which of you, intending to build a tower, does not first sit down and estimate the cost, to see whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to wage war against another king, will not sit down first and consider whether he is able with ten thousand to oppose the one who comes against him with twenty thousand? If he cannot, then while the other is still far away, he sends a delegation and asks for the terms of peace. So therefore, none of you can become my disciple if you do not give up all your possessions. "

The Cross

Following Jesus means death. He doesn’t hide this. Picking up a cross means death—execution by the state, to be exact. 

When I was young, I would have preached this text as “Choose the cross over the world.” You’ve probably heard sermons like that. But the truth is, in the first century, no one would have chosen the cross. So what Jesus is describing here is what is flung on you. What cross is flung on us that leads to our death? The burdens that come from things we love more than Jesus. Because when we try to love in our own way, we do so in a twisted way—we become controlling, possessive, demanding, and selfish. When we love in a selfish way, and we love things more than Jesus, those things become instruments of our death.

Family

Following Jesus is hard. It demands everything. It can impact your relationships with friends and family. Most of us love our families, but family isn’t everything. Jesus is. 

People have questions about this “hate” word Jesus uses here. Let’s be clear: Jesus loved his mom. From the cross, he asks John to take care of her. Jesus cares. Jesus loves. So what is the deeper message here? Your identity is not based in your family. Your possession don’t define you. Even what you think your life is about doesn’t define you. When we try to love others, apart from the love of God, we fall short. Our love is incomplete. We can’t save anyone with our love.

Choice

Frederick Buechner, the writer and theologian who recently passed, wrote, “The final secret, I think, is this: that the words ‘You shall love the Lord your God’ become in the end less a command than a promise.”

Rather than us choosing, the gospel says God has chosen us in his son Jesus. And because of this, we can love God. Because of Jesus, we choose life.

The good news is that God has come to you and forgiven you and made a new covenant—and that changes everything. Jesus has paid for all of our debts by his shed blood. He fulfills the Law for us. When we can’t pick up our cross, he picks up his. When we can’t give up all our possessions, he does. Jesus was stripped of everything on the cross. He fulfills all righteousness for us. He has counted the cost for us—and, as unbelievable as it sounds, he has found us worth it. Jesus gave up everything to clothe us in righteousness—his righteousness.

The only way we can have and hold forever those we love is to hold them in the wounded hands of Jesus. This is a promise in the gospel given to you.

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